I walked a long way today, through eight spiders’ webs. I had dead flies webbed to my shirt and face.
Tree litter, safely bagged nappies, and BMW’s covered the slippery Driveways of Distinction.
A builder on the main road was loading his heavy-duty radio back into his van. He slammed the doors shut as I strode across his freshly laid concrete path leaving three deep footprints. I apologised and made a weak joke about the current vogue for pattern imprinted paving. The builder said nothing, just turned round, opened the van doors, and unloaded his radio and tools. I disappeared round a corner and was washing my shoes in a puddle when a small boy of about 4 or 5 years old ran out across the road. His dad came after him, picked him up and dragged him back to the pavement.
“I’ve told you not to do that, It’s dangerous!” He yelled.
“I know” said the boy.
“So why did you do it then?”
“Because … because it was a secret ninja job.”
The event itself takes place at The Deaf Institute in Manchester on Wednesday 8th October. Details here: www.manchesterliteraturefestival.co.uk
Also, if you're interested, there is a Most Difficult Thing Ever dedicated Facebook page here: www.facebook.com